Friday, January 4, 2013

How I gave birth to my daughter...part 1

I rarely write anything on this blog, but when I do, it's something very important, very personal and something that I do not want to forget in my life. So this is a very long (I assume) detail of how I gave birth to my wonderful daughter... Firstly, I should tell on how I felt throughout my pregnancy process. We found out that we were pregnant when I was about 3 weeks with her and it was a total shock for me! We didn't actually trying very seriously but when it happened it was absolutely wonderful. And to think back, it happened at the right time too...Allah really knows how to plan our lives perfectly because if I got pregnant too soon I felt it would be a little difficult, owing to the fact that my husband and I were just learning about each other and we didn't exactly have fallen for each other yet ( we were married 9 months after we met, ok?) But Alhamdulliah, I have completely fallen for him when we conceived and I was convinced that he felt the same about me too so it was double joy. Throughout the pregnancy, I had it quite ok. I didn't have the bout of morning sickness as other expectant moms do, my belly was not pouting much, even at 7 months pregnancy people were still waiting for my belly to pop out...the only real scare that we had is when I got leptospirosis or kencing tikus and there was one time that my water was hitting low and the possibility of delivering her at 33 weeks was possible. But it didn't happen, thank God. But by the end of my pregnancy, I was getting anxious and restless...not because I was afraid of giving birth but I was tired of being pregnant!!! It's a wonderful phase overall, don't get me wrong but towards the end the hormones can get you and it can be rough!! Plus, most of the people whom I know were pregnant at the same time like me were already in my head and heart I was screaming, when it's gonna be me???? So my story begins at 3.30 am on the wonderful Friday, December the 14th. I was having my late exursion in the bathroom, a common routine when you have someone actively pressing your bladder. While I was minding my own bussiness, suddenly I felt a sharp thud on my wasn't painful but it was something that I knew I felt it before but could not recall when. But after a while, Ithought since it wasn't painful so it was probably the baby was kicking to someplace that I never gotten kicked yet. I spent the rest of the night feeling the thud again and I also remembered the feeling. The thud felt like when I was having stomach cramps when I was having my period. I didn't have watch around me so I could not tell whether it's constant or not. The morning after we both wake up, I told my husband about it and he went on his 'do you wanna go to hospital?' mode. I told him I was feeling fine and I didn't feel like going anyway. My plan is I want to go to the hospital to the very last minute (bad plan!) because hospital is so boring and lonely!! And as usual, what news to my husband became news to my mother-in-law so she also asked the same question 'do you wanna go to the hospital' and I still said no. So, husband didn't work and mother-in-law didn't work. I still didn't want to go to the hospital. I laid in my bed for about another hour and again my mother-in-law came in and asked again. This time I said yes but not because of her or not because I felt the pain but because of Pipi, the family cat. When my mother-in-law came in, Pipi came with her and some reason, Pipi started nudging and nibbling my feet. She was literally trying to nudge me out from my bed. And I remembered reading something about how animal especially pets are good on sensing something's coming so her behavior got me to think 'maybe the baby is coming along'. I agreed to go and went to take a shower and again Pipi behaved strangely by not leaving my side at all. Despite her food is ready and my mom-in-law was calling her to come down, she was adamant to stay by my side... At about 10.30am, I was ready and there it was, the trip that started with 2 people and ended with 3 people... to be continued...

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Avengers: I have a plan...attack!!!

Unlike hardcore comic reader, my motivation to watch the Avengers are: 1. I've watched Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Hulk and Thor and they were so damn good!!! 2. I jumped to any chances to peek at Robert Downey Jr.'s hotness and Chris Hemsworth's abs 3. It's one of the most anticipated movie of the summer so as a movie geek, it's hard to resist As for my no. 3 reason, The Avengers is one of the movie that is worth the wait. From the start, it promises action, humor, effects and story that keep the audience alive. In another words, it's Transformers (sorry Transformers fans!) with concrete storyline. What I like about the story that it is packed with superheroes but each has its own appeal and one does not drown another. The initial bickering was good and natural because when you have a room with men packed with testosterone plus power, there's got to be ego involved, right? The fight scene when they come together was fun to watch, and what makes it more fun, they add humor to it!!! Especially the scene between Captain America and the police 'What should I listen to you?' That was so funny!!! I found out that USA will only be able to watch 2 weeks after Asian's premiere so poor them, we're already caught in the hype and it was good!!! I watch the movie twice, first one with my husband and second one with my husband and in-laws and all I can say is, money well-spent!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Why I take the pregnancy test?

I'm sure most of us, especially first time moms, took the pregnancy test when A: You have planned to conceive very carefully and did everything it takes to get pregnant B: You missed your period for a week and took the test because that's standard practice or C: You don't know what to do and peeing on a stick might seem to be a good new hobby. For my case, it was neither of any three. It was again, divine intervention.

I got married on last September and quickly our marriage was tested (or I like to call it being blessed in disguise). I fell sick very badly and all the tests, MRIs and everything that a doctor could possibly had done cannot detect anything wrong with me. Having a sickness that I couldn't put a name to it put me into great stress. I was depressed and it took a toll on our marriage. I spent most of the time crying and my husband was patient but like all human we all have flaws. Sometimes we got into a fight and things got worse. It was one of the most challenging time of my life. Newlyweds supposed to walk on air but all I felt that time was emptiness and every miserable days I feel like I had plunged into a deep trench and escape is impossible.

That time, we turn to our Almighty Allah for guidance. And without realizing it, it bonded our love faster that we could have expected. We got married only 9 months after we knew each other so we didn't really head over heels before our marriage. All we held on before was the faith that Allah had made us to suit for each other and we believed that this is the best for both of us. When I was sick, I realized when we are not together and I was feeling low, I longed for him so bad and it signalled me of how great importance he is in my life. He told me that me being sick made him realized the same so we nurtured those needs and quickly, it blossomed into love that we have until now, stronger and stronger each day.

Another effect of being sick is it affect our intimacy dreadfully. We were together every night of course but with my depression and his fear of upsetting me more, nothing happen. I always been up front and personal in my entry but this one, I think this much is enough.

Months passed, our prayers were answered, Alhamdulliah. I slowly recovered and getting better. I started gaining weight and became happier, more content and more like newlyweds. Alhamdulliah our intimacy also grew stronger but I was not really hoping for it because being underweight, it does affect chances of conception but we were having fun and getting to know each other better.

Living with in-laws, we rarely had private moment with only us. Surely everyone respects our bedroom but there were times that I wished I could walk to the bathroom on my boxers, cooking privately in the kitchen or cuddling while watching TV with my husband but it was awkward to do that. We missed our honeymoon and since 21-28 April is the only available date for us, his students will be on mid-semester break and I'm on leave for two months, we book our honeymoon to Krabi where we wished to go earlier.

I look again at the calendar and I found out that the first day of our honeymoon is going to be my first day of period. I was a bit disappointed of it. After all we've been through, I feel that a relaxation holiday is long overdue for me. I wanted to be able to swim, snorkel, walk along the beach without the fear of oozing and exposing something that should not be seen by anyone. But most of all, I want to spend a moment with my husband without the fear of someone might hear us or intruding our moment.

To find a solution, I went to the pharmacy to find my option. The pharmacist suggested that I take norestherone, a drug that can delay a menstruation. The drug is to be taken 3 days before the expected first day of period and further research on the Internet, (thanks netizens!) I found out if I'm pregnant the drug would be dangerous for pregnancy.

I weighted our options and we decided that 3 days before period which is last Tuesday, I would take the test and if it was negative, we are going to accept it is negative not false negative and I can take the drug. False negative is an occurrence of a woman who is actually already pregnant but tested negative because the test device did not detect enough Hcg hormone to signal pregnancy. False negative can greatly happen before menstruation and that is why women are advised to take the pregnancy test if she has missed her period for at least a week to produce a more accurate result, but I feel that this is the least I can do to satisfy our curiosity.

If I tested positive, we will go to the clinic and take extra care from that moment. So on Tuesday, first thing I did was to go to the bathroom and take the test. Honestly, I did not expect much because of me being underweight so it decreases chances of conception and there are couple things that we didn't do right when I was on my fertility window. So I took the test and there it goes, the first line which is normal and suddenly I saw a faint second line and my heart and mind was immediately racing. I went back to our room and asked my husband if he also saw the second line. He said he saw it too and after a minute, we saw the clear double line and we were both stunned, perplexed but definitely ecstatic.

Unluckily, the trip to the clinic was not the outcome that we would have hoped for but now we remained positive and pray for the best. We didn't wish that it come this soon but now that it's here, there was never a moment that we doubt the timing. I pray for the safety, blessing and ease through this time... :)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

What I'm hoping to achieve in 2 months break

I was having a tough semester this year with and health and failing motivation so I decided to take 2 months break from Uitm and I hope this can help me to recover and regain my passion for working and teaching. But, this 2 months are not to be spent in vain. I know probably most of the time, I'm going to do nothing (ie: staring at the walls, browsing my sms and YouTube) but I do hope I can achieve these:

1. To kick a** in my Master class! Timing could never been better because April and May are the months of my master classes so with no teaching in sight, I can focus more in my studying and have ample time to do the assignments.
2. To enjoy my long awaited honeymoon: Krabi in April, wait for us!!!
3. When I'm at home with my husband, cook at least a meal for far things have been good, I've tried some recipes that I never did and now I'm free, this is the perfect time to add some more recipe in my cooking repetoire. This is going to be very helpful when we move in to our new house, because I'm going to be the head chef! Right now is my mother-in-law and bless her for a lot of healthy and good meals for us.
4. To be healthier...being sick for 4 months has taught me invaluable lesson on health so I'm trying to be heathier now. Eat a lot of good food, exercise, and be happy. I realised that let loose and be happy is the key to be healthy because I remember when I was sick and keep it to myself, I practically let myself dying, but when I'm sick and at least pretending to be happy it does help the healing process.
5. Lastly, to gain some more kilos be back to my normal not really bizzare thin frame...I've lost 18 kilos when I was sick and my pant size shrink 4 size from size 28 to 24...I remember every bone is sticking out from my body and the worst is my tailbone was emerging from behind and sitting is a painful things to do. So far, I've gained back 9 kilos already and I'm 8 kilos short of my original weight...the only drawback of the weight gain is I don't mind to look plumpier at the stomach and tigh part but not in my face!!!

InsyALLAH I hope I can achieve this... :)

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How I met my husband...Part 4 (the dinner, the surprise and Harry Potter)

Part 4 continues... (I didn't know there are others except my husband, who I forced to read this but thanks anyway...XOXO)

So after the lunch and the checking, we had a steady routine in our friendship. Sometimes he came over my desk and we chatted, he sent me MMS of his One Piece figurine (which I jealous to see) and always the favorite past, eat and eat! In the evening, we had tea over a small stall that we called 'bukit'. This teatime was always the part that his friends would start teasing us endlessly and the leader of the pack was always, our over the top divalicious friend Idham (XOXO!). For one, he started calling me 'kakak ipar' which I found embarrassing but flattering at the same time. When they teased us, my husband didn't exactly tried to stop them but he didn't actually add salt to it either. Later in marriage, my husband confided in me that he would sent a 'thank you' sms to Idham for doing it back then. So that's another divine intervention sent from Allah to us, a form that is smart, brutally honest always ever cracks our belly with hilarius poisonous jokes! So, technically Idham was his wing man back then.

As he had his wingman, I had mine although mine was over thousand miles. Whenever something interesting happened, I could always turn to my god given solace friend, Aliaa. At that time, our FB kept 'ding!' because there's always something new to tell (I used broadband at that time, so I did not abuse UiTM wireless connection, ok?). She was very supportive of this new friendship I built and prayed for the best. I think, without her encouragement, I would not have half the gut to pursue this. So for both of you two, only Allah knows how to repay how much you did for us :)

The next excitement of my life was the premiere of the 7th Harry Potter movie! Seriously, I could not wait for the movie to come out that time. The funny thing is Harry Potter and me had a bizarre correlation. One week before the debut of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and also one week before the premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I pulled the plug on the relationship I had that time. I know as Muslim, I shouldn't be superstitious but honestly, I did have my worries...And something did happen during this Harry Potter moment! But instead of a closure, it was an opening...and opening of my heart...our hearts...

What do you know, he also anticipated the Harry Potter movies as well! So, we decided to watch it together, not as a date but with our friends as well. But the rest was a bit undecided whether they can join us or not. He wanted to bring his little sister and I was racking in my head, since I did not have the guaranteed friend to tag along with me, I needed a plan B, to hijack my friend from Penang, Nadiah.

We plan to watch the movie on the 19th November and conveniently our friend Syai, her wedding was the next day. So, I sms Nadiah to come over from Penang and stay in Melaka with me and we can go together to the movie and the wedding. Thank goodness, she agreed and I was set with a friend for the movie.

We bought the ticket for 1030pm show, so we decided to have dinner at Seoul Garden first. Exams were over, paychecks were in, time to eat big and enjoy! So we met up at Seoul Garden, he with his sister and Nadia with me, table for four...

I was not worried about Nadiah because she is easily sociable (all TESLians rocket science here) and she is a mega hardcore manga fan so there's plenty to talk about without leaving her out. Dinner was fun and with the help of Nadiah, he got a glimpse of how was me during my degree time. He got to know the fun we had, we people we unitedly annoyed and all the projects, vacations and drama on and off when I was studying.

Through the course of dinner, he suddenly said that he had something that he wanted to give to thank me for checking his article. I said he didn't have to but he said it's something that he wanted to do. My initial thought was maybe he would give me just a bar of simple Cadbury that you can get easily at 7E. How little of I knew about him and his character that time was the reason of how little I knew how I should have reacted when I got the surprise.

To my surprise, he gave me chocolate all right but also a bouquet of roses (dark red!) and a card. In my life, aside from stupid request game in high school and during convocation (my last convo, I only got plastic flower from my parents, pretty pathetic) I never ever ever ever ever received roses from anyone! (like I said, I'm not the type of girl who guys see and sing at bar with) so this was big!!! Other than thank you and it's lovely, I didn't remember what else I did. In fact, I think I didn't want to recall, it was so surprising at that time, I'm sure I reacted abnormally...

After dinner, we crossed over to Dataran Pahlawan and watched the movie. During the walk, I remembered that both of us were trying to get over the shock we had during the surprise. I think he also surprised himself when he did that to me. As for me, it was the first of the loveliest thing he did to me. Until now, the string of affection and gesture never stops and I thank Allah for letting him to be mine...

I didn't keep the roses and chocolate anymore, but this is the card that he gave me. Truthfully, I was thankful that it didn't have the word 'love' in it because I had no idea how I'm going react to that!

Continued in Part 5...

Monday, March 5, 2012

How I met my husband...Part 3 (the sms, the third lunch and the review)

Part 3 continues...

So after the night, I got over my initial nervousness (not many guys can make me feel that, clear sign he's someone special!) and I started being cool with myself and the joy of getting to know him. So we started to know each other through casual conversation, he returned my external, sometimes we talked about One Piece or the final exam and mundane things in our life.

One night, I was driving back home for my Master class and to play with my nephew and niece. Suddenly he sms me the usual I hate 'buat ape tu?' sms. That was the first time he sent me that kind of sms and that's also the first time I felt happy receiving that kind of sms. The fact that each will cost me 50 cents faded, I was overwhelm by the gesture he did to me at that time, the fact that he took the time and trouble to send me the message.

I told him that I was going home to see my nephew and niece and he was surprised to find out that I was already an aunt. It was a short sms moment as he wanted me to be careful on the road. But in my heart, I knew this moment has started something, it was telling me that he also wanted to get to know me better that both of us are ready to get to next phase of our friendship.

I found myself wanting to get closer to him but I didn't want to be too obvious, I need to play the game well, I didn't want to crowd him or turned him off by being too aggressive. My mind was reeling at that time, what can I do to have a good time together but not being too forward? The answer came easy to me. A get together lunch! I figured that way I can kill two birds with one stone, One: I can get a hang out time with him like I hoped and Two: I would be able to demonstrate my cooking skill because I always believe a way through a man's heart is by his stomach.I hosted a lunch hour with him and my colleagues and as usual, I made my sure-kill menu, Bolognaise! And thank goodness, he loved it! Afterwards, he sent me another sms, thanking me for the trouble that I had preparing lunch. I felt a knot in my stomach that has nothing to do with the food I had just eaten when I received it.

The next week, he asked me for a favor. He wanted to send an article for conference or for publishing(see, I did forget!) and he asked me to review it for grammar errors. I was ok with it and in fact I flattered because out of all English lecturer available around him (let's see, there was me, Reiko, Azu, Julie, Pipa, Piqa...) he picked me! He wanted me, not the others!! Other reason that made me flattered was he recognized me as a competent English lecturer,a pride that I hold dear in my heart. Because in my life right now, aside from marrying him, English has always been the only thing that I feel I have done right in my life. It's my treasure, my gift and my talent. See, I'm not skilled somewhere else, I'm suck at Maths, I'm a terrible housekeeper and I can't draw at all! English is all I got!

What I found out during the checking was with him, it's easy to be honest. Before we start, he asked whether there are a lot to go through in his paper and was it really bad in term of language and grammar. Being Malay, we are taught to be kind and 'berlapik' in our comments and usually I will answer like 'not really' or 'they're ok' if someone asked me that question. But when he asked me that question, I can tell that he can handle the brutal truth so I answered honestly that it's quite bad and there's a lot to go through. I can see his face was dropped a little, but we got over it and went through the checking.

When we went through the checking, I was surprised of how open minded and honest he was with me too. I think he did feel a bit embarrassed because as a full fledged lecturer, there were some errors that he felt he should not have committed but for the benefit of learning, I can see that he put his ego aside, so that he can learn. Another trait that made me become more attracted to him.

During the third lunch, I've forgotten that he was thinner back then.

Continued in part 4...

Sunday, March 4, 2012

How I met my husband...Part 2 (the second lunch)

Continued after part 1...

Remember I wrote that it only took 24 hours for us to notice each other? It did in a different place but the same activity, lunch!

I had finished marking my final exam and Reiko, my friend had some problems with hers so she wanted to blow off some steam and she suggested that we went to Dataran Pahlawan and eat at Zen, the place that had the best chocolate lava ever! Since I was free and available, I said yeah and I asked another friend of mine, Baya if she wanted to come too.

5 minutes before we took off, Reiko asked me if I mind to pick her friend at the city campus to join us for lunch because he wanted to meet his friends afterwards. I did not mind at all because the city campus is along the way to Dataran Pahlawan so I said yes and the friend that she brought turned out to husband!!

So there we were, four of us so it was easier for us to notice each other. I was friendly and so was he therefore there were never really awkward moment between us. What really kicked off between us was I found out that we shared one common interest, the Japanese manga One Piece. He mentioned that he downloaded every single one of One Piece episode and I at that time was catching up with the Impel Down saga so I asked him if he could transfer the episode in my external hard disk, which was for no apparent reason was in my handbag. Then I did the thing that I normally, almost never do,giving him my phone number! I'm a friendly gal, yeah but I have this rule of not giving out my phone number until it was safe to do so. Because I am not the type of girl who loved the suddenly 'hi' sms or 'buat ape tu?' sms. I used bill, each sms cost me 50cents dammit!

So after lunch, we left him there because he said that he was going to meet his friends afterwards. Along the way home, I had a thought in my mind that keep saying 'A next door guy who is crazy about manga and hardcore gamer, where in the world would I find that type?' and what's more bizarre is I find his knack of maintaining the pronoun 'saya' in conversation is highly attractive. The voice kept telling me to go for it, he's the kind of guy that is worth getting to know, divine intervention right?

When I got home, the first thing I did was to check out the manga website, to see whether One Piece chapter was up. There was a new chapter so for the next 15 minutes my mind was focusing on reading the chapter. Once done, my thought went back to him and I was telling myself 'should I sms him, should I not?' In the end I caved in and I sms him telling him that the new chapter was awesome. His next reply was to ask who I was and I realized that he hadn't saved my number because I wrote mine on a tissue paper. So I told him I was the gal that gave you the number and asked to give me One Piece episodes. He remembered and he replied he made sure he checked the new chapter once he got home. I wonder what was he thinking when he received that sms? Maybe I'll ask him tonight... :)

This is the cover of the One Piece chapter that I read after the lunch, it was the episode when they descendant to Fishman Island and about to meet Kraken. Kraken then becomes another part that further glued our relationship... :)

Continued in Part 3...