I'm sure most of us, especially first time moms, took the pregnancy test when A: You have planned to conceive very carefully and did everything it takes to get pregnant B: You missed your period for a week and took the test because that's standard practice or C: You don't know what to do and peeing on a stick might seem to be a good new hobby. For my case, it was neither of any three. It was again, divine intervention.
I got married on last September and quickly our marriage was tested (or I like to call it being blessed in disguise). I fell sick very badly and all the tests, MRIs and everything that a doctor could possibly had done cannot detect anything wrong with me. Having a sickness that I couldn't put a name to it put me into great stress. I was depressed and it took a toll on our marriage. I spent most of the time crying and my husband was patient but like all human we all have flaws. Sometimes we got into a fight and things got worse. It was one of the most challenging time of my life. Newlyweds supposed to walk on air but all I felt that time was emptiness and every miserable days I feel like I had plunged into a deep trench and escape is impossible.
That time, we turn to our Almighty Allah for guidance. And without realizing it, it bonded our love faster that we could have expected. We got married only 9 months after we knew each other so we didn't really head over heels before our marriage. All we held on before was the faith that Allah had made us to suit for each other and we believed that this is the best for both of us. When I was sick, I realized when we are not together and I was feeling low, I longed for him so bad and it signalled me of how great importance he is in my life. He told me that me being sick made him realized the same so we nurtured those needs and quickly, it blossomed into love that we have until now, stronger and stronger each day.
Another effect of being sick is it affect our intimacy dreadfully. We were together every night of course but with my depression and his fear of upsetting me more, nothing happen. I always been up front and personal in my entry but this one, I think this much is enough.
Months passed, our prayers were answered, Alhamdulliah. I slowly recovered and getting better. I started gaining weight and became happier, more content and more like newlyweds. Alhamdulliah our intimacy also grew stronger but I was not really hoping for it because being underweight, it does affect chances of conception but we were having fun and getting to know each other better.
Living with in-laws, we rarely had private moment with only us. Surely everyone respects our bedroom but there were times that I wished I could walk to the bathroom on my boxers, cooking privately in the kitchen or cuddling while watching TV with my husband but it was awkward to do that. We missed our honeymoon and since 21-28 April is the only available date for us, his students will be on mid-semester break and I'm on leave for two months, we book our honeymoon to Krabi where we wished to go earlier.
I look again at the calendar and I found out that the first day of our honeymoon is going to be my first day of period. I was a bit disappointed of it. After all we've been through, I feel that a relaxation holiday is long overdue for me. I wanted to be able to swim, snorkel, walk along the beach without the fear of oozing and exposing something that should not be seen by anyone. But most of all, I want to spend a moment with my husband without the fear of someone might hear us or intruding our moment.
To find a solution, I went to the pharmacy to find my option. The pharmacist suggested that I take norestherone, a drug that can delay a menstruation. The drug is to be taken 3 days before the expected first day of period and further research on the Internet, (thanks netizens!) I found out if I'm pregnant the drug would be dangerous for pregnancy.
I weighted our options and we decided that 3 days before period which is last Tuesday, I would take the test and if it was negative, we are going to accept it is negative not false negative and I can take the drug. False negative is an occurrence of a woman who is actually already pregnant but tested negative because the test device did not detect enough Hcg hormone to signal pregnancy. False negative can greatly happen before menstruation and that is why women are advised to take the pregnancy test if she has missed her period for at least a week to produce a more accurate result, but I feel that this is the least I can do to satisfy our curiosity.
If I tested positive, we will go to the clinic and take extra care from that moment. So on Tuesday, first thing I did was to go to the bathroom and take the test. Honestly, I did not expect much because of me being underweight so it decreases chances of conception and there are couple things that we didn't do right when I was on my fertility window. So I took the test and there it goes, the first line which is normal and suddenly I saw a faint second line and my heart and mind was immediately racing. I went back to our room and asked my husband if he also saw the second line. He said he saw it too and after a minute, we saw the clear double line and we were both stunned, perplexed but definitely ecstatic.
Unluckily, the trip to the clinic was not the outcome that we would have hoped for but now we remained positive and pray for the best. We didn't wish that it come this soon but now that it's here, there was never a moment that we doubt the timing. I pray for the safety, blessing and ease through this time... :)
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